Becoming HOUSE ELF – Where ADHD meets Homemaking

NEVER. EVER. IN A MILLION YEARS…

Being a stay at home mom was never on the table for me. I enjoyed working outside of the home and I was terrible at any and every homemaking task. If I wrote out a strengths and weaknesses list, cleaning, organizing, cooking, and patience would all be on my weakness list. This is not an exaggeration.

So how did I become a homeschooling mom? If staying home was not on the table, naturally, homeschooling was no where near the table. If you ask my daughter, she will tell you our homeschooling journey started in the fall of 2020. This was supposed to be her Kinder year and boy were we excited! However, like the rest of the world, we were in the middle of a pandemic and, at that time, the media did not have good things to say about COVID-19 and asthma. My daughter had a rough time with “normal” respiratory viruses, so my fears were BIG. I decided that we would wake up early each morning and homeschool Kindergarten before we left for work/daycare. (Her daycare was smaller and had more strict protocols than a public school could have). Due to my demanding full time job, my kids spent about 11 hours a day at daycare and I added an addition 30-60 minutes to our already early mornings. It’s no surprise that my sweet 5 year old was exhausted. Even though she has fond memories of this short time, it ended quickly and we decided to “redshirt” her. Fast forward to fall 2023, I am in my third year of teaching and I am drowning. The demands of being a teacher on top of the demands of being a wife and mother were too much for me. If you know a teacher or have seen the news, teachers are struggling with student behavior now more than ever. “It starts at home”. This is something we said a lot as teachers because students were lacking basic manners, life skills, and executive functioning that are beyond what teachers have time and resources to teach. To be honest, my own kids were part of the problem. I take my role as a mom seriously and want my kids to grow up to be productive members of society. However, we left the house at 6:30am and returned around 5pm. Between 5pm and bedtime, we had homework, baths, dinner, and extracurriculars. It was a miracle if we could fit in quality family time, let alone teach life lessons. My teacher salary did not cover many of our expenses, so my husband worked a lot. Without a partner on most mornings and evenings, it added to the overwhelm. In addition, I had undiagnosed ADHD and was (unknowingly) constantly overstimulated. As this began to be more than I could handle, I tried to find ways to alleviate the pressure. In addition to therapy, I decided I needed to step away from teaching until I had a better handle on the demands of life. As many Americans know, finding an entry level job that pays enough and has hours that work around school is close to impossible. After adding up daycare, gas to and from my job, purchasing supplies for my classroom, and eating out due to lack of time to cook, it almost equaled my net pay. This is when homeschooling entered the conversation.

What in the world is a house elf?! No, not the underappreciated servants in Harry Potter. As mentioned above, the idea of homeschooling was forming in the fall. By Thanksgiving, I had already given my notice that I would not be returning for the next semester. What else is going on around Thanksgiving? Those pesky elves start popping up on shelves. Despite being chaotic, these elves add to the magic and joy of Christmas time. I was very anxious (yet excited) about the new chapter that lay ahead of us. In general, I felt shame for not being good at the typical “woman” duties. I have essentially signed up for these duties to be my job, yikes. I knew I would struggle with homemaking, but I also knew that I have the capacity to learn anything I set my mind to. I decided to embrace that this journey will be chaotic, but will also add to the joy and magic of my family – just like our elves. If you, too, find yourself excited, but overwhelmed with this role, I invite you to become a house elf. Allow yourself to not take the “tasks” so seriously, cause a little chaos, and enjoy the life you have.

Need help navigating this house elf life? Check out these posts:

Surviving the rocky transition from public/private school to homeschool

This house elf needs a schedule. I am not an unschooling candidate, haha.

ADHD and moming